11 Aug 2003

O que aconteceu a sua cabeça no Parque de Herbert em 6:00 PM terça-feira.

Sunburns and lobsters,

• The hot and gruelling summer season continues apace! Back on home ground this week, Herbert Park Rangers fans will swarm to El Stadio Daddio Magnifico Herbert Olympico Hampden Park Neucamp Maine Road Bernabau San Siro Giants Penrith Palladium Stadium of Light Fantastic of Perchance to Dreams Cauldron of Burnination Ring of Fire next Tuesday at 6:00 PM. This is an excellent opportunity to catch the eye of Irish International Team Manager Brian Kerr ahead of selection for next week’s friendly against Australia. 

• Highlight of the week: Defensive bruiser, Greg Byrne, was involved in some kafuffle with an unnamed player by the name of Kieran, in which it is alleged that Byrne left the other player ‘eating grass’ prior to a display of ‘handbags at six paces.’ In the finest tradition of Arsene Wenger, from the vantage point of the dugout, we saw nothing and feel that our player is completely vindicated.

• Recruitment Notice: The Board is seeking to recruit a PR Manager, who will be responsible for contributing to development and implementation of both the external and internal communications strategy for Herbert Park Rangers Football Club. Confused? We’re just starting - Delivery of a media relation's strategy for Herbert Park Rangers Football Club, with responsibility for Public Relations development involving innovative strategic positioning, buzzwords go here, and raising awareness. Develop bogus mission statement, work on press releases, crisis management, and offering no support to senior management. Write inappropriate articles and identify irrelevant press, champion advertising activity in line with business objectives, identify, develop and organise events in accordance with other buzzwords and develop a meaningless paradigm shift across the group's blah blah. This position is available because the current incumbent to lacking in fresh ideas and is totally jaded with the task of making this stuff up every week, given that he hasn’t actually played football in over a month. Experience writing fiction a bonus, Portuguese nationals preferred, ability to verbalise spuriousity (talk nonsense) an asset. Email your CV to: humanresources@ElStadioDaddioMagnificoHerbertOlympicoHampdenParkNeucampMaineRoadBernabauSanSiroGiantsPenrithPalladiumStadiumofLightFantasticofPerchancetoDreamsCauldronofBurninationRingofFire.com quoting laughable salary expectations. 

• Portuguese Footballing Phrase of the Week: For the interview: ‘Assim, onde você se vê em cinco anos de tempo?’ which means ‘So, where do you see yourself in 5 years time?’